This school year is finally coming to an end... and I don't know what I feel.
I am happy for the memories... yet frustrated by some of them. Thus is the course of life, so it's not really a surprise. I just don't know what to do with it.
I am acknowledging the fact that I have a few great friends who are graduating this year..and I will miss them SO much! I don't know why this feeling has waited until now to come about...but I find myself avoiding sleep just to be with those people I cherish longer.
I am looking forward to summer and the laid back schedule I hope comes with it. Yes, I will be working, but that doesn't seem like anything compared to the amount of stuff I've been doing the last month! I know this is true for a lot of people, but it's a huge focus lately.
I am excited to go home, but I will miss my friends a lot.
I am looking forward to the future, but I feel like that is forever away.
An easy way of putting it:
I am going to appreciate my prayer journal the next few months for sure!
This song has been stuck on repeat, literally a broken record in my head. The first time I heard the song, I enjoyed it because it was something new that wasn't rap and it was easy to harmonize with (cheesy reasons, I know!). Last time I heard the song though, a whole new meaning came about. I realized that if I had a message for the devil and it were in the form of a song, this would be it.
Here are the lyrics and a link to the video.. (also, there's some pretty sweet lyrical/modern dancing in the video, another bonus!)
There are so many times when I just need God.. and now is one of them. The greatest part of that..is that He already knows, and He is already there waiting for me. I am so thrilled by this thought.
Thank you, God. For being the only person who has ever known me and for being a God I can trust and acknowledge as my Savior. You are mighty and strong. Stronger than this world. And I love that. Thank you for being a loving, merciful God. I know you are there when I need you, and I know that will never change. Thank you, Lord.
It seems I haven't posted in forever. It has been quite a long time in fact, and I'm not sure if there is an answer as to why. Lately, I don't have words to convey my emotions. Or emotions to convey to others, maybe. I still think about a lot of things which is where my blog posts used to originate..but now those thoughts are not blog post worthy. Not much of anything seems to scream, "You should probably type this up in case someone needs to hear it today or it encourages someone." Lately, all you would get are very ambiguous combobulations of words or pieces of my homework.. and I know you don't want that.
I promise I'll update when I get things figured out.
In the mean time, prayers for:
- safe travel as spring break is coming up, along with
- assurance and peace in the uncertain world we live in.
Once again, I've been bombarded with God's love and answers. It's funny how one thing can lead to another sometimes.
During Praise on Wednesday, one of the speakers, Hannah, said something that really hit me. The way she mentioned that we should "jealously guard our hearts" and also our time with God. I had never thought of it this way.. to jealously guard that time, or anything for that matter. It made a lot of sense because I see myself doing that with so many other things; "No, I think I'll pass, I'm spending one-on-one time with Jonathan today." or "I actually have a lot of homework to do, could you go somewhere else if you're going to be loud?" It's so simple to guard the time that I feel that I need, yet neglect the time with God which is vital to my faith. This is only the first part of my story. Remember how I said its funny how one thing can lead to another?
After Praise (Wednesday night) and throughout the rest of the day today, I had the idea in my mind that I really do need to guard my time with God. I had time after class and decided it was a perfect time to do a devotion. Of course, other things came up and it was 'postponed' (which was okay with me because I knew I had all night). After dinner, I decided it was a good time to do a devotion and Jonathan willingly joined me. :) The devo. was simply called: Deciphering God's Voice. I audibly said something along the lines of, "Are you serious? This is perfect..."
Background fact: I've been thinking and praying about something specific since Monday. This decision requires time, effort, and an honest heart if I say yes to it. My initial answer was YES! but then at times other thoughts would creep in like, "You don't have time for that" or "You're not that good at what they're asking you to do." I was about to bring it up to a friend in order to talk it through, but before that even happened I found this devo. or, maybe it found me. It helped me realize what the answer was to my question, but it also showed me something amazing.
I couldn't believe that the devotional had shown me exactly what I was needing to hear (I mean seriously, it was called 'Deciphering God's Voice')! But what really got me was the fact that the only reason I was led to my answer, was by the previous feelings of needing to "jealously guard my heart" from the night before. God was leading me to the answer I was seeking from the beginning, even though I had no idea where I was going. It amazes me to have this happen and it's a glorious thing.
Let God work in your life. Listen to the feelings on your heart. They might be leading you somewhere specific down the road!
I wrote the last post, "Rid Me of Myself," and then stumbled upon this..
Jonathan and I were doing a devotional on a Judges 7. The short version goes like this:
Gideon Defeats the Midianites
1Early in the morning, Jerub-Baal (that is, Gideon) and all his men camped at the spring of Harod. The camp of Midian was north of them in the valley near the hill of Moreh.2The LORD said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’3Now announce to the army, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’” So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained.
4 But the LORD said to Gideon, “There are still too many men. Take them down to the water, and I will thin them out for you there. If I say, ‘This one shall go with you,’ he shall go; but if I say, ‘This one shall not go with you,’ he shall not go.”
5 So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the LORD told him, “Separate those who lap the water with their tongues as a dog laps from those who kneel down to drink.” 6 Three hundred of them drank from cupped hands, lapping like dogs. All the rest got down on their knees to drink.
7 The LORD said to Gideon, “With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands. Let all the others go home.” 8 So Gideon sent the rest of the Israelites home but kept the three hundred, who took over the provisions and trumpets of the others.
The title of the devotional was "When You Can't Take Credit" (from The Message//Remix: Solo). It pointed out how God uses Gideon to lead the nation into battle fro his purposes. God cut Gideon's army from 32,000 to 300! God wanted to show his power through Gideon and he knew that if he reduced the size of the army, that it would be clear that it was HIS doing.
This devotion is a great reminder of how we need to give God the glory all the time. I find myself at fault for not always doing this when I should. I know it's important, but I don't always give the credit where it's due.
From the song, "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong United
Lead me to the cross Where Your love poured out Bring me to my knees Lord I lay me down Rid me of myself I belong to You Lead me, lead me to the cross
For some reason this phrase, "rid me of myself" has been put on my mind and heart. I have used it as a new way to think about how we don't need to seek attention. I know that it seems so simple, yet I know many, including myself, that struggle with it. What is so great about being great? About having attention? Sure, it's nice to be included in things, but why do we want to be the center and focus of attention?
Because it feels good, and we're human... So we enjoy it.
For now, I'm using this as a new way to look at things daily. I have decided to keep an open mind and not always have the last word, to know that others won't always know or remember that I was the mastermind behind some great idea...and to be okay with that.
