More Than Anything

I don't actually have that much to say. Nothing profound or planned out, which as far as the planning goes, I usually like to do to some extent. I don't want to sit here and ramble which contributes to the small number of posts I suppose!

Something that has been on mind, not just recently, but everyday for the last... maybe 9 years, is that everyday is special and not to be taken for granted. Since fifth grade, when my dad had cancer, I have realized that everyday should be used to its greatest potential. I made sure to say, "I love you" and I really meant it each time. Two years later, when my aunt passed away from a brain tumor, my realization was only reaffirmed.

Now, having lost a good friend last February, I can't take a day for granted. I say, "I love you" to people and mean it. Every time I leave the house while I'm home from college, I am sure to say it. Each phone call to my family and some friends, ends in: "I love you". Every hug, every word, means something.

This might freak some people out, but when I hug the people I care about the most (since it might be a bit much if it were everyone,) I literally try to memorize the moment... just in case it is the last.

I've experienced a time when I didn't say "I love you" to a family member who ended up passing away and it hurt for quite some time. I didn't think to say goodbye the last time I saw them because I thought I would see them again, as usual. That didn't happen. I've accepted that they were well aware of it before hand and that it's okay that those words hadn't been said. But I know what they mean now more than anything.

Don't be afraid to tell people what they mean. And don't waste your time being angry! If that's one thing that's changed in me, it's this: when arguements arise or conflicts come up, I only let them have limited control over me. I have realized how much I used to let anger control me. I could allow an arguement to last a week, and words could hurt me more than anything; but now, I know that I can have my moment of being upset, realize it's not worth the time wasted, which I could be using to show my love instead, and get over it. No, I don't instantly brush everything off, and there are things that can get me down for a long time, but I don't let it control me.

And I encourage others to make that same choice, too...   :)